Courting period is the most beautiful process in getting someone's attention and make them fall in love. But what happen after that? You moved in together, talk about the future together, he gave you all the promises that he won't be like your ex-partner, that he will love your children like they were his. When they were just the two of you, it was simple. He controls you, he makes you agree with whatever he said because he manages to make you think he is the adult in the relationship. He gets jealous over you talking to another guy even if he's only a colleague. He gets furious if you lock your phone or put it on silence. He asked for your social network password and said he only wants to make sure you are safe from people who wish to take advantage of you.
You on the other hand, believe so much in his words. Give all you have to him, your heart and mind. You stop talking to guys, you stop logging into social network, you even change your phone to the one he bought for you. When he is sick, you stay by his side. You cope up with the challenge of being yell and scream at when he was in pain. You wanted to yell back but you didn't because you know he is not in a good state of mind. After getting better, he hugs you and say, thank you for taking care of me. You fell in love with him again.
Then your children start to move in. He agrees and he said he would help to guide them like a father. But teenagers will be teenagers. He can't control their every movement like he controls you. So he became furious. He kept his grudge inside. He looks at you as if you were the most stressful thing for him. He started to have affairs with other women online. You have seen the sign but refuse to believe because he manipulates your mind into thinking there's nothing wrong with him. He hides his phone, put a lock on it, and gets angry when you touch it. He even put lock in his laptop.
Why would a man who said he loves you do all that? Are you not good looking enough? The answers from him hit you like a dagger. He said you are stressing him out. You were never there when he needs you. You ignore him when he is sick. Your kids and the house is demotivating him in all the way he can imagine. He blames everything on you. He never felt regrets when you said you have get yourself ún-pregnant' because he said 'we are not ready for a child'. But that was what he wanted before. He never felt remorse when you said, the children are devastated because he turns out to be just like their father who compares them with his nieces or nephews. Is this because of mid 40s crisis in a man's age? Or is it just another of his insecurities because he can't control everyone?
Yeah, sometimes you look like you don't really care but that's just a facial expression which is normal. Deep inside, you worried so much about him that you yourself had put aside the pain inside you just to make sure he is alright.
The most hurting part is, he didn't try to talk it out like a real man would. He denies everything when all the proof was there. He yells at you for wanting to see his phone. Surely there are things hidden which he doesn't want you to see. It hurts when you see him online but he didn't reply back to you. He was chatting to that new person he found comfort in. He didn't care about the comfort you need anymore. Act of childish? He wants all the attention but don't want to give attention to you anymore. Act of selfishness? He started to separate your things and his things and their things because he said he is used to living alone. Where did all his promises go?
You cry every time it hits you. He never see the pain. He only see you as someone being childish and too emotional. He didn't see he was the reason to all the pain. Your children became disappointed because their only fatherly figure is no longer himself.
Words are very powerful. She must've been using the words he wanted to hear to sooth him. He must've been using the words he had used on you to make every women fall for him. Sadly, this will not end well. He will find the woman with his same character who will one day left him as devastated as you.
Don't cry anymore. Your tears isn't worth for a man who doesn't love you for real. No matter how much you try to show him, his mind is on someone else's now. No matter how mature he thinks he is, he fell into the same life he was in once. God did not befell bad luck on people for no reason. He wanted them to wake up and realize what they have done to others. It's just a matter of time. Maybe then he will realize how hard it is to start a relationship over and over again until his age can no longer support him. By then, even his selfishness will not befriend him anymore.
Be strong. He made you so weak, so you got to get up and face the world. Your children are the most precious jewel on earth. They come from LOVE of God. Don't put yourself on the same level as he is. Finding comforts from another men, is not worth the pain. Tell yourself to let go even the slightest memory. Forgive him for he doesn't know what he has done. If he had loved you, he would feel the most regrets in life for hurting you and your children. Those type of men will never find a real woman who will love them like you. They are never satisfy with what they've got.
Live again. You need to get back on your feet and brush those tears away. Count the blessings you have. Thank him for the lesson in life. Move on. The pain will be there but it will go away in time.
